Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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