evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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