I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
