Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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