yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
