So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
