I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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