New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize