Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
