Will you blow on my dice?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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