haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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