Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
