your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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