i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
