you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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