just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
