it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
