I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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