Cold hands, warm shart.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
