It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
