Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
