Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
