i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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