i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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