i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
