do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
