Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
