i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
