using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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