Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
