My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
