My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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