You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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