Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
