My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
