there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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