wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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