You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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