You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
