Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
