No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
