I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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