I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
