You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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