I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
