i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
