Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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