You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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