I got chris browned last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
