i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
