he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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