One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
