Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
