Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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