what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
