Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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