i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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