rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
