you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
