she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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