Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
