if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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