Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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