We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
