he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
