If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
