I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
