My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
