i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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