So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
