I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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