I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
where are my eyebrows?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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