Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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