i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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